They come from all over
I thought I would share this one from the grocery world
A woman comes in who is looking for honey. A store employee escorts her to that section, where she
eyes the different brands and types and asks if they have any “bee honey”.
The answer is, of course, is that all honey is “bee honey” because only bees make honey. She wasn't buying
that logic… heck, she thought they were making fun of her. (No, but once she left…)
She left without any, and they wondered what stores she would have to try before she found that elusive product.
Jan. '09: A new wrinkle on tax season
Our state is desperately trying to cut expenses and balance its budget, so they aren't sending
bulk printing of tax forms to public libraries any more. So, at all branches we have BIG posters
stating the options the public has for acquiring forms.
And most people have been pretty nice about it, but when April comes and their only quick option
is to pay someone to print it…I'm hoping they all have Internet-connected relatives!
That's a new one!
Three weeks after Christmas, it's a busy weekend and a girl asks me a question at the front desk.
“Do you have any meeting rooms?”
I advised her to ask at the reference desk, as
they keep the schedules and forms there. I already knew the schedule was full for that day. She headed to the
children's area instead.
Next thing we know, there is a family commandeering tables in that area and setting up a boom box.
They proceeded to hold a family Christmas party complete with music and unwrapping presents.
Perhaps we should have offered a chutzpah award.
Positive Feedback
A coworker was told by a customer that “You're always so friendly” and more in that same vein. She was
waiting for the other shoe to drop, and it finally did.
“ …but you're too helpful.”
Huh?
HURRAY FOR SUMMER HEAT
June '08
What wonderful manners and clarity of mind we are being treated to this month! Staff person 'A' told us we can
expect more of this sort of rudeness until the economic situation improves—apparently we have picked up a larger-than-usual
amount of the sort of folks who think rules apply to everyone but them.
So I would like to point out that, no matter how much some people think that they are above all that, libraries are
pretty democratic about enforcing the rules for everybody. Such as:
* Observing operating hours
'A' went on to tell us a story about a woman who tried to come in after we were closed. She was told that she could pick up
her reserves, but that we were closed, so she couldn't browse for more stuff. So she threw the armload
of books she was carrying at A and huffed off.
* Observing the rules printed on your card, such as your financial responsibility for fines and lost items.
Some people are just astounded that the library actually expects them to pay for stuff they lost! “My housekeeper
puts the library books on the same shelf as our books.” Sorry, ma'am, you checked them out, so you are still
responsible for them.
* Other rules publicly posted
And then there's the 'lady' that walks in with her dog on a leash. Sorry, ma'am,
but the door is plainly painted NO ANIMALS EXCEPT FOR SERVICE DOGS. Would they let you do that at the mall? At the
courthouse? At the grocery? So WHY did you think it was OK to do it at the library???
Then there's plain old-fashioned courtesy, towards the staff as well as the other 100K+ library users:
* Please bring it back on time.
I don't care what that *other county* library does, we don't have an amnesty period; if it's one day late, that will be
one day's fine. Which no, we won't waive, unless you can back up that accident story with an actual cast on a limb. (I
did waive a fine for that this week.)
* Please pick up your reserves within the allowed period.
We cannot hold them for more than one or two extra days.
There isn't enough room on the shelf, and dozens of other people will have other reserved items for which we need that
space. If you can't spend 15 minutes to drop by over the course of seven days, maybe you don't have time to read, either.
* Please shove that cell phone...
Did you come here to transact some business, or to chitchat with your friends? If you don't mind, we need a FEW MINUTES OF YOUR
UNDIVIDED ATTENTION HERE! I guess you can't hear all those people in line behind you coughing, clearing
their throats, or shifting back and forth. Can you feel all those dirty looks? It's not a wonder that so many fast food restaurants have put up signs in their drive-through lanes about
not using the phone while you are there to get food.
The Christmas Warrior
A whine from both sides of the desk
I usually don't have to deal with this rant, and it's the first complaint I've heard for
this holiday season.
“My kids want to know why you don't have any Christmas decorations up.”
[Her GRANDkids, more likely.] I turn and look at the lights and
tree ornaments on the shelf behind me, then look back at the reindeer figurines to her left. “We have
decorations up here and especially at childrens', ma'am.”
“You have those up all
year round.”
“No ma'am, they've been up two weeks, and will come down next week. ”
“ And why don't you have any Christian things out? You have all this stuff on Christmas in
Mexico.”
[Hmm, aren't Mexicans
Christian? Besides, public libraries are SECULAR. Know what that means? We have to appeal to a
wide range of beliefs, not just one.]
If she was expecting a tree,
we haven't put one up for a few years now. We don't have space for one any more, and besides, the
other parents didn't seem interested in keeping their kids from damaging it. And aren't trees
a PAGAN tradition?? I have known at least two people who wouldn't put up a tree for that reason.
A bit of international flavor
“Do you have Hoo-lee-us Caesar?”
“Can I check out here?”
I just stare at her for a couple of seconds.
And how would that differ
from what I was doing with the three people that were ahead of you in line?
It's that time of year again
It's always our fault, or so it seems. It's never “I can't find it” or
“It's not there” but rather, “You don't have it.”
For example, Schedule A. Oh, here it is, in the box with the big yellow notice saying
ATTENTION: Changes to Schedule A since printing...
The state forms: On the same carrousel as the federal forms. Which rotates.
Any forms at all: Out in the lobby (you walked right past 'em...)
And then after the final day we'll be leaving the extension request forms
in a box outside our front door.
Ref question of the week
“I need an answer to today's Jumble in the paper.”
We later found out that it was for a school assignment.
Oct. '06
It's Halloween and there is a childrens' party. As part of this, the kids
parade through the building in their costumes. Everyone at the circ desk
admires the group.
Then a lady slams her books
down on the circ desk.
“I'm late for a funeral because of this!”
Then she said she didn't like Halloween anyway. Staff reply:
“Want some candy?”
!!!!!!!
The e-Audio situation 9/06
“I'm sorry, but you cannot play the downloadable audio books on your iPod.”
Oh, the comments we get on this...
“Well what good is it if it doesn't work on iPods and that's all anybody has?”
No, Apple does not have 100 percent of the mp3 player market; in fact, it's only 17 percent of the global market.
“I know that you can convert files to use on iPods, I do it at home.”
Right, and you pay for that service; this would cost us/you a lot more, and is not permitted by our contract.
“Who has the authority to deal with this?”
It's not our authority that counts; it's the fact that Apple insists on reserving all
rights to their proprietary format - and their format will not prevent users from making unlawful copies.
Please take this up with Apple. Mainly, it is a problem of copyright management. Here is a link to a
Library Journal article which will explain this.
“Can I open this on my Mac Powerbook?”
Apple's version of Windows Media Player can't set the digital rights license, so Mac
usage isn't doable. I looked into Audible.com*, because supposedly they had iPod-
compatible format available. However, that is not the vendor we chose. The one we picked allows more than one person to check-out
a title at a time — what is the point of having digital access, if you can only let one person use it at a time?
As of April 2009: hallelujah, NetLibrary is offering some files in mp3 format, which will
play on iPods!
--------------
* “Audible.com, which requires the library to load titles on a library-owned mp3 device,
is not terribly convenient for either the patron or the library.”
--Library Journal, Oct. 1, 2006.
Failure to listen
“This is the one that you returned missing a tape. We renewed it so it's not due for another month.”
“Is it overdue?”
Shifting to Self-Service
In retrospect, we should have started warning people about this change sooner, but we
weren’t quite sure when we would be moving the stuff.
“The hold books are now on the front shelf behind you so you can pick them up yourself when you come in.”
Repeat to the person standing right behind her.
Repeat to the person standing right behind him.
Repeat…
Repeat…
And of course, they walked past eye-level, brightly colored signs on both entry doors,
the security gate AND the desk.
99% approve of this change but there's always the one…
“You just did this to make it easier on yourselves.”
Not only is it not easier for us, it's also a lot more inconvenient. But it speeds up the
checkout, and will assist with self checkout when we install that.
“I can't read the slips when they're sideways.”
This was a privacy recommendation. So we'll sit them all vertical, and waste up to a half-ream of
paper daily to cover the spines? We should explain this, too.
A page was reshelving nonfiction books one night and noticed a man browsing in the
home improvement section. He was muttering to himself, taking books off the shelf
and dropping them on the floor. When the page moved closer, he could hear the man
saying to himself “.....no, not that one (plop)....no, not that one, either..(plop)”
Yes, he walked off and left the books on the floor.
Lost and...Found
A phone call early one Saturday:
“I think I left my coat in your meeting room after the program you had yesterday.
Could you check to be sure?”
The staff person asked the caller if she could identify the coat. “There's some
papers in the pocket and maybe a peppermint, but that's all.”
He was able to locate the coat, but when he slipped his hand into the pocket to
verify the presence of papers, he found instead a pair of panties. (“Not the
regular kind, either, they were colorful,” he said.)
And yes, it was her coat. :D
Library Dyslexia* applies to hearing, too
A man came in brandishing a printed notice. “I already returned this! You aren't
getting anything more out of me!” Later his wife said he was “having a bad day.”
However, as our system had been down two days due to the Upgrade from Hell, we could
not access his account to determine the problem. “I'm sorry, sir, the computer
system is down…”
He continued to harangue the part-time worker at the circ desk and then asked, “What
about my daughter's account, can you tell me what her fines are?” I'm sorry, sir, the
system is down...
He literally stomped out of the building, leaving his notice on the counter. Which
was not about an overdue book, but rather ONE THAT WAS ON HOLD FOR HIM.
March '06
* The ability to read books, but not SIGNS.
Terminology
From another interesting phone call:
“What time is the childrens' happy hour?”
(Half-price beer would be good, too.)
Fingers of Lightning, Patience of Job
“Do you have Jon Stewart's 'America the Book' on CD?”
Yes, ma'am, the CD shelf is right behind you. (8-10 feet away)
“I don't feel like looking for it,could you just look it up?”
I, uh, yes ma'am...
And then he went in the back room to jump up and
down for a few minutes to blow off some steam...
Nov. 05
From another branch:
Late one Sunday a man was discovered looking at online pornography.
His logic:
“I just moved here and it's so cold outside I had to do something to
warm myself up.”
Pinpoint Searching Skills!
We got a call one night asking about our hours and wifi service. Then the
caller asked a question we didn't expect.
“This is the Beaumont, Texas library, isn't it?”
No, sir, we're located in Kentucky.
“Oh. I just did a web search for Beaumont and Wifi and your library popped up.”
What about that LONG-DISTANCE area code?
Oct. '05
“You have a temporary card, which is limited to 2 books.”
“But I got 5 last time. I promise not to take them back to New Orleans with me.”
At this point you just shrug your shoulders and quit arguing...
Think “Katrina” here
Out of Left Field...
Male patron to female staff member:
“I don't like the way your face looks.”
Reply:
“Well, this is the face God gave me, I can't do much about it.”
We thought it was odd, too.
Aug '05
On learning the water fountain is in the lobby (15-20 ft. away):
“But I'm not ready to leave yet. You should have one inside, too!”
May '05
“I'm in a hurry, I have mayonnaise in the car.”
